Pop Culture’s Influence on Romantic Relationships

What is not possible in real life, and how to maintain relationships.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

By: Gingin Chien

This blog has been reviewed by Laura Amodeo and Elijah Nimijean; edited, formatted and published by Nicholas Murray.

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Who doesn’t like rom-coms? In pop culture, one of the most popular themes of film and TV shows is love. In this genre, the main characters get along well with each other and eventually fall in love. They are passionate about each other, seldomly fight and usually forgive each other after the fight, and they are portrayed to live “happily ever after”.

Being exposed to these movies, many people think that this should be the ideal type of relationship. Through this exposure, certain ideas have become very popular: that there exists a person who is your true love; that it is not possible for your true love and you to be tired of each other, and that most married couples will live happily ever after.

Is this really what to expect in relationships? Or are we just believing in unreal fantasies that could only happen in movies? Due to the higher expectations in relationships nowadays, along with several additional factors (such as women being more independent by having their own income), the divorce rate has risen throughout the world. In fact, it is estimated that about one-half of all marriages end in divorce nowadays, whereas only one out of five marriages ended 50 years ago (Anderson, 2016a). In addition, the fact that we expect passionate love to last throughout the relationship increases the likelihood of couples breaking up.

In this blog post, I will discuss two types of love that shape romantic relationships proposed by Berschield & Hatfield (1969), as well as how to maintain a romantic relationship.

Two Types of Love

According to Berschied & Hatfield (1969), the two types of love in a relationship are passionate love and companionate love. Passionate love is the intense arousal shared between couples. It is the drive that urges you to always want to be beside your partner and the sexual arousal you feel towards your partner. On the other hand, companionate love is the desire to care for your partner as well as the affection, emotion, and mutuality shared between couples.

These two types of love could both exist at the beginning of the relationship. When couples start to date, they often have the strong urge to always be together; there exists strong sexual attraction towards each other, and they genuinely care for each other. However, as time goes on, the novelty wears off, and the passion fades. Companionate love, on the other hand, could still persist. For a long-term relationship to succeed, companionate love is the key. You may not always feel strongly passionate about a person if you have been with him or her for a long time, but you could still want to be by their side and continue caring for them.

You may not always feel strongly passionate about a person if you have been with him or her for a long time, but you could still want to be by their side and continue caring for them.

Thus, looking back at most of the romantic movies that we have seen, the couples seemed to always be strongly attracted to each other. Even long after they started dating, they still kiss often and remain passionate. This kind of relationship is not impossible, and it is still likely that couples are passionate about each other. However, it is completely normal for couples to sometimes feel tired of each other or just enjoy the company of each other instead of the high-level intimacy that exists at the beginning of the relationship. This does not mean you no longer love each other, it just means that you are used to each other and the passion decreases, but the companionate love still exists.

Photo by Lauren Richmond on Unsplash

Maintaining a Romantic Relationship

According to Canary & Stafford (2001), there are 10 behavior maintenance mechanisms that couples should follow to maintain a long-term relationship:

1. Positivity: Always try your best to make your interactions enjoyable, nice, and cheerful. Stay polite even though you know each other well.
2. Openness: Discuss any issues, thoughts, and feelings with your partners and also encourage them to do so.
3. Assurances: Commit to love each other.
4. Sharing a Social Network: Have common friends that you can hang out with or spend time with your partner’s family.
5. Sharing Tasks: Share the tasks that need to be done like chores and errands.
6. Sharing Activities: share time with your partner, and plan activities to do together. Try out different fun and new activities with your partner to avoid letting the relationship become dull.
7. Support: Provide emotional and physical support to each other, comfort each other, and seek advice from each other when needed.
8. Conflict Management: Try to solve problems instead of avoiding them. Remember to apologize when you are wrong, and to forgive your partner when they apologize to you.
9. Avoidance: Remember that even though you are together, you are still two individuals. You need to respect each other’s privacy and spend some time alone. Also, avoid certain taboo topics to avoid unnecessary fights.
10. Humour: Tease each other and keep each other entertained while avoiding being rude.

The Bottom Line

Romantic relationships portrayed in many movies are not real. Over time, many couples will not be as passionate as before, and it is companionate love that remains and keeps the relationship going. Remember that it requires effort from both partners to maintain romantic relationships. Techniques like exploring new activities together and always being open to each other help maintain the relationship and foster companionate love.

Thanks for reading my blog. If you haven’t already, please consider getting your Canadian Positive Psychology Association membership to join our wonderful community and check out our Student Zone! Plus, if you liked this blog or if it has helped you in any way, please take a moment to like, share, or comment! If you have any questions about this blog or about the Student Ambassador Program, you can contact me via my personal email address: yuchun.chien@mail.utoronto.ca.

References

1. Anderson, L. R. (2016a). Divorce rate in the U.S.: Geographic Variation, 2015. Family Profiles, FP-16–21/\. Bowling Green, OH: National Center for Family & Marriage Research.
2. Berscheid, E., & Hatfield, E. (1969). Interpersonal attraction. New York: Addison-Wesley.
3. Canary, D.J. , & Stafford, L. ( 2001). Equity in the preservation of personal relationships. In J. H. Harvey & A. Wenzel (Eds.), Close romantic relationships: Maintenance and enhancement (pp. 133–153). Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.